Thursday, June 23, 2011

i hope people will find this as touching as i thought it would be when i wrote it..

It has been a rough year darling.

Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Asian restaurant in the city, who on the surface, both seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 21st and everyone is still much the same. However, even though I didn't need it, I realized that some tried just a little bit too hard to make me feel comfortable.

Last week I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favour to me than anything else. Levi almost cried when we pulled out all your shirts, Ben joined in and then Libby was the one who broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by somewhat crying adults. I made a joke about them crying, as you know my ways of trying to break awkward silences with jokes. They didn't seem to like it very much.

A few guys have put the moves on and as you know picking up men is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving girlfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor boy. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.

I found one of your pencils that have somehow managed to scatter around everywhere in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.

Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.



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