lately i've received about 10 invites from friends for their eighteenth parties. everyone is entering or has already entered adulthood this year. which makes me quite sad because i have to wait until next year. BUT that's okay. because i think i would be freaked out if i was turning 18 very soon because well to be honest. i don't want to grow up. i don't want to have to be responsible for everything that i do. i'm very dependent on my parents, and i don't think they want to let me go either. it's probably why i'm choosing not to have a big celebration for my 18th and that i'm going away to an unfamiliar place where there won't be friendly faces, but faces with funny looks at me because i'm invading their territory.

i'm going to admit. i like attending parties. i like making memories, taking pictures, enjoying myself. and i'm wondering. in a years time, when everyones birthdays come around again, will they be celebrating it with me? with the same people they chose to invite and celebrate with this year? or will they be so caught up in their adult lives, that they'd have forgotten about their ''childhood friends''.

today, i got an invite from a very good friend of mine, from intermediate. we're very close even though we hardly see each other because we went to different colleges and we can never find the time to hang. and the funny thing is. he invited me to his before party dinner at a restaurant and only specific people were chosen. i scrolled down the list of people that were invited and i'm surprised to see that i'm the only one he's invited from our old group of friends. all of the people that he's invited are our new friends. and i realized. i am his oldest friend in this group of his. i liked that. i liked the fact that we've kept in contact. i like that we still make the effort to talk. to send the occasional ''how are you? i miss you!'' texts. i am really keen on going, but at the same time, i only know half of the people that he's invited. i know most of his friends, but sometimes i can't help but feel left out. because he's found all these new friends. and here i am. it feels like he's bought new clothes and i'm just his old favourite sweater. and he can't really get rid of me cause i'm his favourite. even though i'm old and worn out and he's worn me so many times. maybe he doesn't feel that way about me, but who knows.

but i guess what i'm trying to say is, people grow up. people move on. we say we'll be there forever, best friends for life. but the thing is. it's never that way. we tend to drift apart from each other because we meet new people. and you know what. i'm okay with that.